Infinite Reflections

I completed my three years in the USA. The previous three years of my precious late 20s and early 30s have been gone just like that. At times, I feel like I'm too hard on myself. I should be content with what I have accomplished, but there is always more to learn and always more to gain! I hate this feeling, to be honest. I hate being in the constant feeling of what could have been better! Don't you think we should just stop striving for more? Stop dreaming about earning more money; stop getting lured for promotions. But then what is there to live if there isn't more? This thought has been a constant conflict for me. To stop or not to stop, that is the question! When I was around 15, my mother used to say, "Tu jaldi bada ho gya" meaning, "I have grown up early." I was very mature for my age and started looking at life very differently than my peers. All I wanted was "Thodi Si Zameen Thoda Aasmaan," but nowadays, I find myself in the same rat ra...

I hope most of the Indians can relate to what I am about to say. Chai is not just another beverage. It is a feeling, an emotion, a culture, and a tradition. To be honest, I am not a massive fan of the taste of chai, it's, of course, delicious, but that's not the reason why I drink chai. For me, chai is a getaway from reality beverage, taking a pause, taking rest, taking a break from all the work we do, to relish the short but precious moments we get every day. It is the emotional connection that I have with chai that makes it so special. I enjoy the journey and the ritual that I take while preparing the chai. You could say that why not coffee? Why I am talking about chai here and not coffee. Coffee is not an emotion. It does not require a ritual to be performed; it lacks the journey. While chai takes you into another realm where everything is okay. You forget your pains, you forget troubles, you forget your worries, you forget your work, you forget all the things that you need ...

Have you ever felt as though you've lived two lives? Wait, listen to me first before judging; by two lives, I mean not at the same time or two faces. What I mean is past lives, again not as in the past life before birth but past life like a few years ago. In the sense that certain parts of your life were so vastly different, yet eerily similar. It's as if you're living a whole new existence, but with the same events and experiences playing out.  Having done with defining the complex definition, I believe I have lived 2 lives.  First, when I was a child, I played, studied, went to college, learned, found a job, worked in Mumbai, and had ups and downs and all the emotions one can have in a lifetime. I faced it all. And then I moved to the US, and it was like my life had been reset. I again went to a university, studied, found a job, faced ups and downs, and started working again. Probably because I have a terrible memory, but to me, I consider the events before 2020 a part of...

I came to the USA precisely 1 year, 8 months, and 15 days ago for my Master's. If you had asked me about doing a Master's 2.9 years ago, I would have laughed and said, "Not in this lifetime." But 2.9 years ago, I felt let's do something different in life, something painstaking, which hindered my peaceful sleep for 2 years. And I thought of doing a Master's from the USA. I got into New York University. I applied for Computer Science but instead got Computer Engineering. But when I checked the syllabus of Computer Engineering, I did not see much difference between CS and CE and then NYU it is. I wanted to do a Master's for three reasons: to earn loads of money, to learn more about Computer Science, and do something different in life. "Wait a minute, are you saying we just have one life? What!!! Are you serious! So you are saying a Human Being has to finish all the things they want to do and frame their whole life in just a few years. That's ridiculo...

"Aye zindagi hui kahan bhool jiski humein mili ye saza, kahan se kahan laayi tu humein, hum se hai tu kitni khafa.." Whenever I hear these lines in Kishore Da's poignant voice, a pierce goes right through my heart, and suddenly, I don't feel anything, just numbness all around. Life is really uncertain. Sometimes I feel everything is falling apart, and sometimes, it feels like I am making progress every second. I knew about this for years, but now this has become a constant in my life.   I don't know what life wants exactly, good relations, money, happiness, sadness, pleasures, pains? There are so many things to do but so little time. And I really don't know what to achieve and what to lose. There are just way too many things to do than gazing over the night sky without worrying about anything. There was a time when I just used to walk on the roof for hours listening to the songs, and watching the night sky, stars, and moon. But now, I keep reminding myself of ...

Window seats are something that everyone is fond of. What a peculiar topic, isn't it? Well, who talks about window seats anyway? But if you just think about it for a second, you will realize window seats are the most insignificant but beautiful thing around us. I have always been amazed by this particular seat. Since my childhood, I have always wanted a window seat. When I was a kid, I used to think trees do actually move backward, which always fascinated me. And now, watching trees going back reflects all kinds of emotions that touch my heart. There is indeed something magical about this place. You can see your past moving in front of your eyes like a motion picture. When I sit on the window seat on a bus or train, and when the journey begins, my mind always becomes nostalgic. I start pondering about various things like the meaning of life, relationships with special people, parents, friends, childhood memories, career planning, world peace, the chaos of the world, problems of ...

Don't you think that ordinary simple little things actually make up life? They have always been underrated, and people always take them for granted. We, humans, are complex creatures; we always have to make things complicated. But the truth is life lies in the little things that happen every day. Little things that always have mattered. Life is not about having a 9-5 job, buying a big car or a big house, earning lots of money, or getting famous. Life is all about little things. Like having someone by your side when you get home after that 9-5 job. Like when you finally learn how to make "Gol Chapattis." Like when you finally finish that book or fall asleep while reading. Like when you ask for extra pani puri. Like when you taste the first kerry of the season. Like when you get wet in the first rain without being concerned about your health. Like when you finish the game, you have been playing for so long. Like when you pass a smile to little babies, and they ...

The other day, I was watching a really old movie Nirmala, 1938. It is a nice movie. There is a romantic scene in the movie between two lovers. They are standing on the balcony of their home on the wedding night with their fingers intertwined with each other. The below lines are cheesy but I love them. How beautifully a man expresses his love for his woman. Man          -   Kyun aaj mere hraday ka chaman hai khila hua,                       Kyun mann bina ka taar taar hai mila hua, Woman     -   Mein kya jaanu Man          -   Kisse puchun? Woman     -   A pne dil se.. Man          -   Dil kehta hai chandramukhi ne mann ka mukud khilaya hai                        Bubul ne apna pyara gul paaya hai   ...

If I were to choose a second profession ever, then it would be Teaching without any concern. I love teaching. I have been teaching since I was 17. It all started with Engineering Drawing since my maternal grandfather is a Ret. Professor of Engineering Drawing, he taught me the subject. And I sincerely accepted it. It involves imagination, mathematics and engineering with Art. Art has always been close to my heart, I used to have a drawing notebook on which I used to draw cartoons. Childhood is really all about doing what you love (then we all have grown up - sad). I learned E.D and I was good at it. I knew when to use HB, H and 2H and that's how it started, My Love for Teaching. I began teaching students from Engineering colleges at my grandfather's coaching center at home. When I was doing engineering, I used to teach my friends. I taught E.D, of course, in my first year to my classmate besides teaching at a coaching class at home. One friend of mine from CS branch used to...

I had always been skeptical about buying Kindle. "Buy it or not to buy it, that is the question" and I am so glad that now what used to be "that is the question" becomes "that was the question" as finally, I bought the Kindle from Amazon. My very own beloved Kindle which I can cherish for life or perhaps at least for 2 years as per Kindle Protection Plan. The skeptics might be with the price or perhaps with my love for books, the books that made out of woods or with the possibility of mine to regain my habit of reading. I had not been reading books for 1.5 years, these 1.5 years were the worst years of my life, to be precise my worst days started from Feb 2016. Now things are getting somewhat good if not great and so am I, if not great of course. I so wanted to jump on reading books at my earliest. And after buying Kindle I am delighted as if I found my lost treasure which was lost 1.5 years ago. I again started reading and the best part is, now a day ...

And suddenly the sentence "The Law of Garbage Truck" resounds in my mind as I was watching a fight on a busy traffic road. I recalled a friend of mine who once way back sent me an SMS describing the "Law of Garbage Truck", yes you heard it right the SMS as it was way back in the time when messaging apps weren't invented. Today for the very first time I looked it up on the internet and found that it's an article by David J. Pollay, a writer. He describes it as follows. “Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they look for a place to dump it. And if you let them, they’ll dump it on you. So when someone wants to dump on you, don’t take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Believe me. You’ll be happier.” I have always remembered the essence of Law of Garbage Truck but didn't know how exactly it was described...

You were always an unknown person. You liked yourself to remain a mystery, didn't like to share anything about you with anyone. Your joy, your pain, your suffering, your happiness were always untold. And this was the way you had been living your life. A simple but precious life. Then one day, a person walks into your life. They don't just want to talk to you, they want to know you. They want to know all your secrets, all your troubles, all your likings. They want to unfold the mystery. They ask you, what happened that day, you looked desolate. They ask you, what makes you sad, what makes you happy, are you alright? Suddenly your life revitalized. Now you are not that mystery to everyone, there is a person who knows everything about you. There is a person who is crazy about you.There is a person who loves you. And then you cannot survive a single day without sharing a thing or two about yourself to that special person. Now you came to know about a different type of joy that ...

Today when we were having snacks at office canteen. A newly joined girl in our group( a bunch of friends having the same experience as me, we take lunch and snacks together) told us that she got engaged and soon she'll be getting married. Every other girl was like awwwwww!!!! woww!!!, show us pictures of him, where is your ring? where will you be going to get married? Is it arranged or love? What will you be going to wear? Where will you go for honeymoon? Oh! that ghagra is beautiful. Aren't you lucky to get married near a sea in Puri. And then she said her fiance is from IIT and currently working in a startup and planning to create his own company, everyone's face was just light up and all were like oh wow you are one lucky girl. There is nothing wrong in this the yet to be bride was happy and every girl was happy listening to her. But what concerns me that none of the girls asked her these, How good the guy is? What's his nature like? Do you love this guy? Does t...

These days are going quite rough for me. I don't understand why life always gives me lemons all the time, and I still can't make lemonades out of them. I run for happiness, and all I get is just the same old familiar sadness. Maybe this is all I am doing wrong; I am running for happiness, and I should just let it come to me. But then again, I ponder that trying is everything if you don't try for something, how you are supposed to get it? Maybe I am running for the wrong kind of happiness. Perhaps happiness is just in front of me, but the one I am running for could be a fake one.  Then again, a voice comes from my think tank, Is life all about achieving happiness, or one can live a beautiful life with sadness also?  Don't you think life is extremely complicated, and we waste our whole life understanding it? We even go beyond and try to control it. Somewhere we know that we can't actually understand life, but even though we try to understand it, we try to cont...

I like this fable a lot. This fable tells us about relationships and how would you describe the best relationship.    Sigmund Freud, father of psychoanalysis has used this situation in the fable in his analysis of the challenges of human intimacy. This fable is about the dilemma faced by a group of Hedgehogs (Porcupines). " It was the coldest winter ever.  Many animals died because of the cold. The porcupines, realizing the situation, decided to group together to keep warm.  This way they covered and protected themselves, but the quills of each one wounded their closest companions.  After a while, they decided to distance themselves one from the other and they began to die, alone and frozen.  So they had to make a choice: either accept the quills of their companions or disappear from the Earth.  Wisely, they decided to go back to being together.  They learned to live with the little wounds caused by the close relationship with their compan...

These are some of the places that I totally in love with. I gain so much calm and peacefulness in these places. And the good thing is that to visit these places you don’t get charged.        Window Seats.         Beach - especially at night.         Gardens/Parks - especially at night.         Beach with a cliff behind me (Varkala beach).         Small alley with trees surrounding it.         Waterfalls.         Mountains Top.         A Cabin in the forest.     Underneath a tree

That was a terrible day for me. I went to the city Bhopal by Bus at morning to complete some documentation work of prime importance in a Government office, but due to some reason it didn't work out well and till the evening I was devastated. I was sad and again boarded on a Bus to travel Home (Indore) at around 6:30 pm. It takes around 4 hours to reach Indore.  I worry a lot about my life. A lot of bad things happened before, things didn't work out the way I wanted to, well not everyone’s' life is a bed of roses. But I think about them a lot and make myself sad. That night was quite different for me as I was experiencing something like this for the very first time. It's august, the monsoon is at its peak. Sun is quite shy these days, hides behind the clouds throughout the day. It’s been several days since the sunlight falls upon us. I don't like monsoon much. There's water everywhere. The road becomes sort of river and the "mud" is just nature...

1. Make someone else the center of your happiness.  2. Live in the past. 3. Marry primarily for sex. 4. Study primarily for money. 5. Spend primarily to impress. 6. And when it all goes wrong, argue primarily to blame others. 7. Don't learn from your mistakes. 8. Care too much about what others think of you. 9. Try to please everyone. keep changing yourself just to impress others. 10. Chase your dreams but refuse to acquire the skills and techniques you require to achieve them. You will just fail over and over and look like a complete moron while doing it. 11. Use people. After you're done with them, they will expose you and tarnish your reputation, just like you used them for their abilities. 12. Lie. Every lie will eventually be brought to light, and you will be exposed for who you truly are.  13. Refuse to open up to others. When you close yourself off to the world, you end up living a life full of loneliness.  14. Look down upon...

The sun gets set bringing the dark scary night When worry takes you over and nothing seems to be going right All over darkness and failures when the eyes were full of tears Living every moment in fear when there’s no one to hear When things make you down may be it's the silence before the storm or it's just the darkest hour before the dawn But with perseverance and patience living every moment with firm determination The light at the end of the tunnel you'll see making things bright again as it should be And as the dark scary night begins to disappear light from the twilight sky fades away the fear and the sun rises again....                                                    - Avinash                                          ...

Hold my hands and come with me It'll be just you and me We'll swing between the rain drops and fly over the mountains top On the wing we'll drift away beyond the clouds far far away On our way we'll kiss the moon so break your plans, we are not coming back soon We'll dance in the moonlight and sway with the stars with a promise that we'll never apart So forget the world and lie here with me It'll be just you and me....                                                    - Avinash