Thodi Si Zameen Thoda Aasmaan!

I completed my three years in the USA. The previous three years of my precious late 20s and early 30s have been gone just like that.

At times, I feel like I'm too hard on myself. I should be content with what I have accomplished, but there is always more to learn and always more to gain! I hate this feeling, to be honest. I hate being in the constant feeling of what could have been better!

Don't you think we should just stop striving for more? Stop dreaming about earning more money; stop getting lured for promotions. But then what is there to live if there isn't more? This thought has been a constant conflict for me.

To stop or not to stop, that is the question!

When I was around 15, my mother used to say, "Tu jaldi bada ho gya" meaning, "I have grown up early." I was very mature for my age and started looking at life very differently than my peers. All I wanted was "Thodi Si Zameen Thoda Aasmaan," but nowadays, I find myself in the same rat race as everyone else.

Although even today, I don't yearn for fancy houses, fancy cars, etc. "Thodi Si Zameen Thoda Aasmaan" is still very much a dream, but in this struggle of life, the meaning of "Thoda" has been constantly changing.

I live comfortably here in the US and pay a lot of rent, and I have my own reasons for living like this. I find peace, which is hard to get here!

I still want to earn a lot, to the point where my family doesn't have to worry about money at all. But then, when do I stop? Sadly, I don't know. 

I truly believe that we spend our lives trying to understand ourselves, at least that's what happens to me. Here I am in this vast universe, wanting just "Thodi Si Zameen Thoda Aasmaan," yet finding myself in the same rat race as everyone else. How sad!